Notes
What We Talk About...
What We Talk About Most Is What We're Missing
Everything that people talk about, is important. I'll write it again. Everything that people talk more about, is important. You can discover a lot about their character and things they have been through. It seems people keep talking about the things they miss, or the qualities they've gained with a lot of effort, the most.
I will explain what I mean with a story:
These days, I have met someone in my new workspace, and I have observed him for a while. He constantly talks about how he beats people in conversations and arguments. When I'm around, he even turns a normal exchange with a third person (who is not a friend) into a potential argument, which he maneuvers to win. I wonder if he still makes an argument when he is alone, or if he chooses to give his friends a deformed narration of a peaceful conversation, where he is the never-beaten hero again.
Listening to all his combative stories is quite upsetting for me. It kicks me into the black hole of my thoughts. I see a lonely person, who may be seeking the approval he lacked in his youth. Perhaps in his family or among his childhood friends, he rarely felt his voice carried, and now he is trying to claim that victory. (Which kind of reminds me of myself.)
The contrast is stark: I've heard him speak to his mother on the phone — aggressive, uninterested, and full of deep frustration. Yet with me and other colleagues, he maintains an open, warm character.
One of his duties is managing the meeting rooms in the building. Not long ago, a lady asked him if she could use one of the rooms. This was the prey in the hunter's trap, the situation he waits for: another opportunity for saber-rattling, another story of victory.
"Of course, you can't!"
He announced loudly and clearly.
"There are rules that must be obeyed here, ma'am. It is my job to control these rooms and avoid disorder. So, no, you surely can't."
This was the moment. He pushed the spotlight onto himself to have his moment of starring.
Incidents like this happen daily. The conclusion is sad: all the adrenaline and excitement he gains from these small victories — are they truly real? Should I feel pity? Or simply accept this compensatory nature of the human spirit? This behavior only solidifies my original thought: people talk most about the things they miss most.
The young lady who keeps talking about how confident she is spent most of her life struggling for confidence. The guy who keeps saying how time management has helped him with his tasks has never truly had control. The friend who keeps saying how much he has changed lately, found changing a lifelong battle.
This whole package of outward compensation and internal lack, visible all around us, is what makes the observation so saddening. And perhaps, by noticing this pattern so clearly in others, I am also talking about a complexity I am still trying to master within myself.